In Closed Position [Paju/Hannu]
Feb. 13th, 2016 05:35 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
roesslyngTitle: In Closed Position
Fandom: A Redtail's Dream
Characters/Pairing: Paju/Hannu
Rating: E for Everyone
Length: 4K
Summary: Paju hears that Hannu knows how to dance, and asks (or demands) that he teach her. And strangely enough, he doesn't mind....
Other: Written after a prompt from Daéa. :D Thanks for the great idea! <3
In Closed Position
"He was amazing, wasn't he?"
"Yeah, but he comes with a house full of ghosts. And a hole in the ceiling. And a crazy sister. Not really my type."
The windshield wipers flicked back and forth, slow and steady, as the three of them made their way back to their cozy village from the cinema in the nearest town large enough to boast one. The autumn rain was more of a drizzle, coming down slow and thin and sure, but even if it wasn't a heavy downpour, they took their time with it.
Paju rested in the back seat of the car, her eyelids drooping a little as she listened to Jonna and Riikka talking. "The waltzing scene was nice, though," she said. "I've always wanted to learn...."
"Oh?" Jonna's gaze lifted up to the rear-view mirror. Paju could see the grin in her eyes. "Well. Y'know, you should ask Hannu to teach you."
Suddenly, Paju was wide awake. "What?"
"I mean, he's no Lord Loki-Whatshisface, but -"
"You can't be serious."
"Stop teasing her," Riikka scolded, giving Jonna a nudge. "You're just setting Paju up for disaster. I'd be surprised if he even knows how."
"I am not!" Jonna lifted her gaze up to the mirror again, her eyes bright and mirthful, matching the barely restrained laugh in her voice. "He knows. We taught him. Me and Joona, about a year ago."
"...And he went along with it?" Paju raised her eyebrows doubtfully.
"There were a bunch of slow days at work. When it was raining hard for like a week, remember? We were all bored as hell. So I guess he just agreed because there was nothing better to do. But you know, once he got over himself and stopped complaining, he looked like he actually enjoyed it."
"Hmm."
Paju settled back. Pursed her lips. Listened to the patter of the rain on the windshield and Riikka's soft, almost shy suggestion that Jonna should teach her too sometime, maybe.
She let the noise fade into the background and thought about Hannu. It still sounded hard to believe - not only that he would have gone along with it, which was surprising enough, but also that he would remember how to do it now. And yet -
The twins had a way of getting him to go along with their schemes. And Hannu had always had a way of picking things up when he really had to. Or wanted to.
But would he agree to it? With her? The doubt rose, niggling at her brain, pressing on it. After a moment of thought, Paju frowned and pushed the worry away.
All she had to do was ask.
"You want me to what?"
"Jonna said you know how to dance. I want you to teach me."
Paju cradled the phone more comfortably against her shoulder and waited. There was no response from the other end of the line and for a moment she wondered if he had hung up on her.
"You're not serious, are you?"
Well. Maybe he hadn't hung up after all. "I know you don't have anything important to do in the upcoming weeks," she said mildly. "And your next day off is... Saturday, isn't it?"
"Ye- wait, how did you know?!"
"Joona told me."
Another pause. Paju could just picture how his face must look. A sour expression, as if he'd been sucking on a lemon. She could imagine him rolling his eyes.
"Is this some kind of Kuikka conspiracy?"
"I'm perfectly serious."
"...I'm not getting out of this, am I."
"Hmm." Finally, Paju allowed herself to smile. She knew that tone in his voice. It was the sound of defeat. And in fact, not once through the entire conversation had he actually said 'no'. It was a good sign. "That's right. You aren't getting out of it."
A sigh. "I'll see you on Saturday, then."
When they finally hung up, Paju set the phone down. For a moment she stared at it, hardly able to believe her luck.
So. Jonna hadn't been lying.
She had expected that it would be rubbish; that it would be just another one of her jokes. Or that it would be, at best, an exaggeration. That perhaps, just once, on one afternoon, Joona and Jonna had taken turns sweeping Hannu around the back room of the Kuikka store while Hannu complained the whole time. That, she could imagine.
But this was another thing entirely. She closed her eyes and recalled the resigned note in his voice. He wouldn't have agreed to it if it wasn't something he could actually do. He wouldn't have given in so easily, either, if it wasn't something he actually wanted to do. She knew exactly how stubborn he could be.
The scene from the movie slipped through her mind once again. Twirling around the room like that, with movements so smooth that the candle held between them did not go out. Paju bit back a laugh - no, even if she went to see Hannu and her taught her something and it happened to turn out better than expected, there was no way that it would be like that.
But she could pretend. She imagined his hand at her waist. Her hand on his shoulder. Their other hands held lightly. Close, but not too close. And she wouldn't have to look up, because the two of them were nearly the same height. She could just look into his eyes.
She could feel herself blushing.
Pursing her lips, Paju marched herself to the washroom. Cupped her hands under the tap. Rinsed her face with cold water. Glancing at the mirror, she could see that she was still bright red all the way to the tips of her ears. There was an unpleasant twisty tightness in her chest to go along with it.
You're not allowed to think about that again, Paju told herself. You'll be a mess when you see him on Saturday. And you'll just be setting yourself up for disappointment.
But even as she told herself that, she knew that the thought would play over and over in her mind until the weekend.
It was drizzling again on the day she went to see him.
When she finally stood outside Hannu's door, Paju hesitated. For a moment she stood there, her hands pulled inside the cuffs of her coat, and thought about it. What if he hadn't meant it? What if he had only agreed to it because he knew she would keep asking until he said yes? What if it ended in a disaster?
Paju frowned. That idea was less than appealing, even if she had to admit that it was possible.
It doesn't matter, she told herself. You're here now. Then she raised her hand to knock.
There was an explosion of yapping from the inside, followed by a familiar voice calling out.
"Come in!"
That was all the push she needed.
Stepping through the door, she was greeted with warmth, light, the scent of coffee, and Ville jumping around at her feet. She pressed it shut and bent down, stroking his head, skritching behind the ears, unable to stop herself from smiling.
"Who's a good boy, then? You are! Yes! You're the best doggy ever!"
Deeper into the house, she could hear the sound of someone moving furniture. "I'll be there in a minute!" Another call from Hannu, followed by some mutterings that were probably cursing.
Paju straightened. Shrugged off her coat. Toed off her boots. Then she went to find him, Ville trailing behind her.
Paju found him in the living room. He had pushed the coffee table and some other furniture to the side of the room, leaving an expanse of floor large enough for them to work in. Chewing his lip, he scrutinized the area, looking slightly unsure that it would be enough, and only glanced at her when she stepped into the room.
"Hi," he said. There was a look on his face that was both unsure and resigned, a 'I can't believe that I'm doing this' look. "So. You didn't change your mind."
"Did you think I would?"
"Maybe." The way he said it suggested that the actual word should have been 'hoped', rather than 'thought'. But he didn't say it, and Paju didn't ask. She knew him too well.
"You didn't back out, either."
"...No. I didn't." Hannu cleared his throat, glancing out the windows as if even conceding that much was too much. "This'd be better outside - more room - but with the way it's raining, I thought..."
"That's fine."
"Okay." A deep breath. As if he needed it. As if he had to clear his head somehow. Then he held out his hand, offering it to her as his face settled into its usual uncaring expression. "...Let's get this over with."
Paju eyed his hand, suddenly unsure of herself. She had been so certain that Hannu actually wanted to do this - he had given in easily, after hardly any pressure, barely putting up anything resembling a fight. That wasn't like him, except for when he was actually interested. But now, the words gave her pause. His voice had that flat, less-than-enthusiastic tone that she was so used to. "Get it over with?" she asked, lifting an eyebrow. "If that's how you feel about it, we might as well give up on this whole thing. I'll help you put the furniture back."
Hannu looked as if he were halfway considering it. Then he shook his head. "No," he said. "If we do that, you won't let me hear the end of it. Right?"
"Well...."
"I'm just - I'm not that great a teacher for this. That's all. But if you want to try...." He offered his hand again, and something in the lines of his face softened. "Then we can try."
For another short moment, Paju hesitated. Then, stepping forward, she took his hand. It was cool against her own, but firm. As she knitted their fingers together, she looked into his eyes, searched his face, and found that he didn't look quite so reluctant, after all. "Let's try," Paju said, and smiled.
It was a few moments before they got started. They nudged Ville out of the room - and then did it again, until he got the idea. Then came the instructions, delivered in a less-than-technical way, with Hannu's usual talent - or lack thereof - for explaining things.
"So, you step like this, and then turn like this-"
"Like this?"
"Sort of. More like -"
Eventually, Hannu went to turn the music on, explaining that with the rhythm to carry them through, it would all make more sense.
The music filled up the room slowly, rising gently, expanding to fill it, the volume low but taking up space all the same. And then he was in front of her. The look on his face was steadier than it had been when she stepped into the room, but still a bit unsure, almost skittish, and that did nothing to ease her own nerves. She was sure that it must show somehow, even though she tried to keep her hands as steady as possible, and let her face set into the confident expression she was used to putting on when working, even when she would prefer to be anywhere else but the classroom.
But why does he look so uncomfortable? Paju thought as she took the hand he offered her, and let her other hand come up to rest on his shoulder. It wasn't like him. Distant, bored, annoyed, apathetic, tired, uncaring. Those were all looks she was familiar with, looks that she was used to seeing on his face, and they were ones she would expect to see at a time like this. But this was not.
Maybe it was only because he thought he wasn't a good teacher. Maybe that was it. It probably was, Paju decided. The hand at her waist seemed steady and sure, so it must have been that. Something small. Something like that.
"I'll try not to step on your feet," Paju said. She offered him a smile that she hoped was more confident than she felt.
Whatever had been wrong seemed to ease at that, as the tension on Hannu's face slowly washed away. The calmer look that replaced it didn't seem to be a front. "Even if you do, it's okay. This time." A deep breath. Their eyes met. "...Ready?"
"Ready." Even if she didn't feel ready. Even if something inside was wound up tight.
"Okay. Let's go. One, two...."
It was not like the scene in the movie. In fact, it was anything but. Their movements were not smooth, graceful, or perfect. Their waltz was accompanied by stops and starts, and stumbles, and the occasional oath of frustration, and between all that there was yapping from Ville, who sat by the door and watched them and barked over the sound of the music.
"Sorry!"
"No, it's okay - ow."
"We can stop if -"
"I'm fine."
And she knew he was. He must have been, because there was warmth on his face, a hint of a smile tugging at the corner of his lips. It was a look that she loved to see on him, but hardly saw often enough.
"One more time," Hannu said when they stopped at last. "And then we ought to call it quits."
Paju parted her lips to protest, then thought better of it and looked at her watch instead.
An hour and a half had passed. How had she not noticed? "Fine," she said. "One more time." It was all she could do to stop herself from squeezing his hand.
"Let's make this one count."
It was foolish to think that their last dance could go any better. Completely unreasonable to expect it. So, she didn't expect it. She knew better than to set her sights so high.
Somehow, it fell into place anyway. As they moved, the steps came more smoothly, more easily. The rhythm swept them along, and she simply went along with it. During their previous attempts, Hannu had been reluctant to meet her eyes. Now, he let his gaze rest on her, instead of looking up or down or just above her shoulder or anywhere but at her face.
Hannu didn't know. Paju was sure he didn't know how she felt about it. But she could almost imagine that he did. In that moment, she could almost pretend that he felt the same way, and that feeling floated her along until the music stopped.
There was a moment's pause. They looked at each other. Then they slowly detached, drawing away from each other. Paju let go of him, even though she didn't want to, and he stepped back, shoving his hands in his pockets as if trying to look casual about it all.
"...So."
That uncertainty washed over his expression again, just as obvious as it had been at the beginning. It was such an odd look for Hannu, and she couldn't make heads or tails of it. So, she offered him a smile. Maybe that would reassure him. "You aren't that bad of a teacher," she said.
"...Oh?"
"Well, don't get me wrong. Your instructions were awful. But I had fun." As she took in the relief that washed over his face, she decided it had all been worth it.
They didn't discuss it any more as they pushed the furniture back into its proper place. Nor after, then he put on coffee, and suggested she stay a while. That was a surprise; Hannu was ordinarily anything but hospitable. Warmth did not come easily to him. But he seemed pleased when she said yes, and soon after, as they sat in the kitchen together with mugs and biscuits and Ville snuffling around their feet, they talked, and had no regrets.
Paju scritched Ville behind the ears and wondered if she should ask about it again. If she should bring up the idea of another day. Another session. Hannu hadn't seemed to mind, so maybe -
"...Uh. You know, if you'd like to try again, we could do that. If you want."
Lifting her head, Paju glanced over at him. Hannu wasn't looking at her; he had his head against one hand and was staring down at his coffee mug with a slightly bored set to his eyes. But there was something about the familiar expression that seemed put on, somehow. As if he was trying very hard to keep his face steady.
Maybe she was imagining it.
"Well, I'd like to," Paju replied. "But only if you want to."
"I don't care." A shrug.
"You and I both know that's a complete lie." She kept her voice crisp, using the tone she employed when teaching. He sat a little straighter at that. "Don't tell me that garbage. You wouldn't have offered if you didn't want to." I'm right, aren't I? Paju thought. She watched Hannu carefully, took in the way his expression flickered. I've known you for years. I know you wouldn't offer something if you got nothing out of it. If you didn't want to do it. If you didn't want to see me.
"Hmm...." There was a tight set to his lips. Annoyed. Bothered. When he spoke, it was with a roll of his eyes, pretending not to care. "I don't have anything to do next Saturday. That's all."
You just don't want to admit that I'm right, Paju thought. But, she decided, that was fine. She'd let him pretend. "Fine. I'll come and bother you again next Saturday. Right, Ville?" At least you don't pretend you don't want me around, she thought as she showered more attention on the dog, who accepted her petting gladly.
There was a long pause, the kind that came when someone wanted to say something, but was trying to find the right way to put it. Finally, Hannu murmured, glancing out the window, "We can try it outside, maybe. If it isn't raining. There's more room that way."
"And maybe I won't step on your feet."
"Nah, I think you will." A hint of a smile, just a small one. "But that's okay."
Dark. Night. They were deep into winter, and the bitter cold and blackness of the late winter lingered over the village. One month into the new year, the Kuikka twins took a look at the dreary winter, then looked at each other, and said, "Okay, screw this," and arranged a party to chase the dark away.
They hadn't invited the whole village, but with the amount of people who dropped by, it certainly seemed as if they had.
Hannu came. And of course, his new friend Ville came with him. Paju watched them both, taking care to keep an eye on Hannu. She knew him very well, and that meant she knew exactly what he would do. After a while. Eventually.
It took one hour for the tired look to settle in. Two hours for the antsy expression to pop up, that tight set to his lips, the way he kept glancing at the door.
She spoke to Ville in hushed tones, tilting her head toward him in one of the few moments when nobody was talking to him, moving close so that he could hear her over the music. "I think Hannu wants to leave, but don't worry. I'll go with him. Okay?"
Ville looked surprised, his eyes widening. "Are you sure? I could-"
"I'm sure." She patted his shoulder, and gave him a smile. "You look like you're having a good time. Stay. I'll take care of Hannu."
"Thanks!" he said, pulling her into a hug, giving her a tight squeeze before letting her go. "I mean, if you're sure. I wouldn't want him to leave by himself."
Not that Hannu would care. But there was an almost puppy-like quality to Ville in the way he followed Hannu around, and they both knew it. Before she could reply, Ville was swept away again, tugged away by Jonna, who said something about dancing.
Well. That was all right.
Paju brushed her hair out of her eyes, straightened herself out, and picked her way over to the corner where Hannu had sequestered himself.
"I'm leaving now," she said. "Walk me home?"
Not that she needed it. The both of them knew it, too. She caught the raised eyebrow look he gave her, and added, "I just want some company. And Ville knows I'm asking you. Don't worry about leaving him."
"...Fine," Hannu said, pulling away from the wall. He scanned the room, caught Ville's eye. Waved. The wave he received in return must have been confirmation enough, as when he looked at her again, she could see the relief in his eyes. "Let's go."
The cold air hit them like a bite in the face. Paju shivered and buttoned up her jacket to the throat. Beside her, Hannu breathed deeply, and thought better of going bare-headed, pulling his hat out of his pocket and tugging it down over his ears.
"It's cold tonight," Paju said softly.
"Yeah. But it's not too bad."
They left the warmth of the light spilling out from the Kuikka house, and soon the only like they had came from streetlamps and moonlight. But the noise followed them for a while, an undercurrent of music that floated through the air. After a moment or two, the sound quieted as the song switched to something slower.
Something stirred in Paju's mind. The timing of the song wasn't quite right, but it was slow. Almost like -
"Do you remember," she asked, glancing at him, "how we used to dance together? When you were teaching me a few years ago."
"...Uh." A pause. From the sound of it, their old pastime had completely slipped from his mind, just as it had slipped from hers. It didn't surprise her at all. They had kept it up for a while - every weekend. And then every second weekend. And then once per month. Things just had a way of getting in the way of it. But she remembered the way it felt to be so close to him, to move with him, even if they were clumsy at it.
It seemed Hannu hadn't forgotten completely, as after a moment, he nodded. "...Yeah. I remember." A pause. "I wasn't a very good teacher."
"You weren't that bad." Her hand sought his. When she felt the brush of his fingertips, she took it and squeezed it. After a moment, he squeezed back. "And I had fun."
"Me too." Hannu fell quiet. Said nothing else. But there was something about his silence that seemed hesitant, almost as if he wanted to say something more but couldn't think of how to phrase it. Paju waited, listening to the sound of the snow crunching under their feet and the music behind them, now a far-off lull.
He spoke, finally. "I really liked you. Back then, I mean. It wasn't easy."
"...I liked you too." A pause. "Did you know?"
"Nah. No idea."
Paju stopped. She tugged him close and saw his eyes widen with surprise and confusion in the dim light. "I have an idea," she said, letting a smile spread across her face.
"...Oh no. No. Don't even-"
"I haven't forgotten how. And I bet you haven't, either. Let's dance."
"But -" Hannu's eyes shifted as he searched for excuses. "Well - we don't have any music -"
"We've done it without music before. When we danced outside."
"Yeah, and you stepped on my feet a hundred times."
"You said you didn't mind."
That was the blow that took the wall down, as he looked at her with the look of a defeated man. She had outmanoeuvred him, as always. "You're right," he admitted. "I didn't mind."
Paju smiled. Without another word, she offered Hannu her hand. He took it, and drew her close - glancing around only once, to be sure they were alone, to be sure no one would see.
They danced, and stepped on one another's feet, and the moonlight and crisp air rang with the sound of their laughter.
Fandom: A Redtail's Dream
Characters/Pairing: Paju/Hannu
Rating: E for Everyone
Length: 4K
Summary: Paju hears that Hannu knows how to dance, and asks (or demands) that he teach her. And strangely enough, he doesn't mind....
Other: Written after a prompt from Daéa. :D Thanks for the great idea! <3
In Closed Position
"He was amazing, wasn't he?"
"Yeah, but he comes with a house full of ghosts. And a hole in the ceiling. And a crazy sister. Not really my type."
The windshield wipers flicked back and forth, slow and steady, as the three of them made their way back to their cozy village from the cinema in the nearest town large enough to boast one. The autumn rain was more of a drizzle, coming down slow and thin and sure, but even if it wasn't a heavy downpour, they took their time with it.
Paju rested in the back seat of the car, her eyelids drooping a little as she listened to Jonna and Riikka talking. "The waltzing scene was nice, though," she said. "I've always wanted to learn...."
"Oh?" Jonna's gaze lifted up to the rear-view mirror. Paju could see the grin in her eyes. "Well. Y'know, you should ask Hannu to teach you."
Suddenly, Paju was wide awake. "What?"
"I mean, he's no Lord Loki-Whatshisface, but -"
"You can't be serious."
"Stop teasing her," Riikka scolded, giving Jonna a nudge. "You're just setting Paju up for disaster. I'd be surprised if he even knows how."
"I am not!" Jonna lifted her gaze up to the mirror again, her eyes bright and mirthful, matching the barely restrained laugh in her voice. "He knows. We taught him. Me and Joona, about a year ago."
"...And he went along with it?" Paju raised her eyebrows doubtfully.
"There were a bunch of slow days at work. When it was raining hard for like a week, remember? We were all bored as hell. So I guess he just agreed because there was nothing better to do. But you know, once he got over himself and stopped complaining, he looked like he actually enjoyed it."
"Hmm."
Paju settled back. Pursed her lips. Listened to the patter of the rain on the windshield and Riikka's soft, almost shy suggestion that Jonna should teach her too sometime, maybe.
She let the noise fade into the background and thought about Hannu. It still sounded hard to believe - not only that he would have gone along with it, which was surprising enough, but also that he would remember how to do it now. And yet -
The twins had a way of getting him to go along with their schemes. And Hannu had always had a way of picking things up when he really had to. Or wanted to.
But would he agree to it? With her? The doubt rose, niggling at her brain, pressing on it. After a moment of thought, Paju frowned and pushed the worry away.
All she had to do was ask.
"You want me to what?"
"Jonna said you know how to dance. I want you to teach me."
Paju cradled the phone more comfortably against her shoulder and waited. There was no response from the other end of the line and for a moment she wondered if he had hung up on her.
"You're not serious, are you?"
Well. Maybe he hadn't hung up after all. "I know you don't have anything important to do in the upcoming weeks," she said mildly. "And your next day off is... Saturday, isn't it?"
"Ye- wait, how did you know?!"
"Joona told me."
Another pause. Paju could just picture how his face must look. A sour expression, as if he'd been sucking on a lemon. She could imagine him rolling his eyes.
"Is this some kind of Kuikka conspiracy?"
"I'm perfectly serious."
"...I'm not getting out of this, am I."
"Hmm." Finally, Paju allowed herself to smile. She knew that tone in his voice. It was the sound of defeat. And in fact, not once through the entire conversation had he actually said 'no'. It was a good sign. "That's right. You aren't getting out of it."
A sigh. "I'll see you on Saturday, then."
When they finally hung up, Paju set the phone down. For a moment she stared at it, hardly able to believe her luck.
So. Jonna hadn't been lying.
She had expected that it would be rubbish; that it would be just another one of her jokes. Or that it would be, at best, an exaggeration. That perhaps, just once, on one afternoon, Joona and Jonna had taken turns sweeping Hannu around the back room of the Kuikka store while Hannu complained the whole time. That, she could imagine.
But this was another thing entirely. She closed her eyes and recalled the resigned note in his voice. He wouldn't have agreed to it if it wasn't something he could actually do. He wouldn't have given in so easily, either, if it wasn't something he actually wanted to do. She knew exactly how stubborn he could be.
The scene from the movie slipped through her mind once again. Twirling around the room like that, with movements so smooth that the candle held between them did not go out. Paju bit back a laugh - no, even if she went to see Hannu and her taught her something and it happened to turn out better than expected, there was no way that it would be like that.
But she could pretend. She imagined his hand at her waist. Her hand on his shoulder. Their other hands held lightly. Close, but not too close. And she wouldn't have to look up, because the two of them were nearly the same height. She could just look into his eyes.
She could feel herself blushing.
Pursing her lips, Paju marched herself to the washroom. Cupped her hands under the tap. Rinsed her face with cold water. Glancing at the mirror, she could see that she was still bright red all the way to the tips of her ears. There was an unpleasant twisty tightness in her chest to go along with it.
You're not allowed to think about that again, Paju told herself. You'll be a mess when you see him on Saturday. And you'll just be setting yourself up for disappointment.
But even as she told herself that, she knew that the thought would play over and over in her mind until the weekend.
It was drizzling again on the day she went to see him.
When she finally stood outside Hannu's door, Paju hesitated. For a moment she stood there, her hands pulled inside the cuffs of her coat, and thought about it. What if he hadn't meant it? What if he had only agreed to it because he knew she would keep asking until he said yes? What if it ended in a disaster?
Paju frowned. That idea was less than appealing, even if she had to admit that it was possible.
It doesn't matter, she told herself. You're here now. Then she raised her hand to knock.
There was an explosion of yapping from the inside, followed by a familiar voice calling out.
"Come in!"
That was all the push she needed.
Stepping through the door, she was greeted with warmth, light, the scent of coffee, and Ville jumping around at her feet. She pressed it shut and bent down, stroking his head, skritching behind the ears, unable to stop herself from smiling.
"Who's a good boy, then? You are! Yes! You're the best doggy ever!"
Deeper into the house, she could hear the sound of someone moving furniture. "I'll be there in a minute!" Another call from Hannu, followed by some mutterings that were probably cursing.
Paju straightened. Shrugged off her coat. Toed off her boots. Then she went to find him, Ville trailing behind her.
Paju found him in the living room. He had pushed the coffee table and some other furniture to the side of the room, leaving an expanse of floor large enough for them to work in. Chewing his lip, he scrutinized the area, looking slightly unsure that it would be enough, and only glanced at her when she stepped into the room.
"Hi," he said. There was a look on his face that was both unsure and resigned, a 'I can't believe that I'm doing this' look. "So. You didn't change your mind."
"Did you think I would?"
"Maybe." The way he said it suggested that the actual word should have been 'hoped', rather than 'thought'. But he didn't say it, and Paju didn't ask. She knew him too well.
"You didn't back out, either."
"...No. I didn't." Hannu cleared his throat, glancing out the windows as if even conceding that much was too much. "This'd be better outside - more room - but with the way it's raining, I thought..."
"That's fine."
"Okay." A deep breath. As if he needed it. As if he had to clear his head somehow. Then he held out his hand, offering it to her as his face settled into its usual uncaring expression. "...Let's get this over with."
Paju eyed his hand, suddenly unsure of herself. She had been so certain that Hannu actually wanted to do this - he had given in easily, after hardly any pressure, barely putting up anything resembling a fight. That wasn't like him, except for when he was actually interested. But now, the words gave her pause. His voice had that flat, less-than-enthusiastic tone that she was so used to. "Get it over with?" she asked, lifting an eyebrow. "If that's how you feel about it, we might as well give up on this whole thing. I'll help you put the furniture back."
Hannu looked as if he were halfway considering it. Then he shook his head. "No," he said. "If we do that, you won't let me hear the end of it. Right?"
"Well...."
"I'm just - I'm not that great a teacher for this. That's all. But if you want to try...." He offered his hand again, and something in the lines of his face softened. "Then we can try."
For another short moment, Paju hesitated. Then, stepping forward, she took his hand. It was cool against her own, but firm. As she knitted their fingers together, she looked into his eyes, searched his face, and found that he didn't look quite so reluctant, after all. "Let's try," Paju said, and smiled.
It was a few moments before they got started. They nudged Ville out of the room - and then did it again, until he got the idea. Then came the instructions, delivered in a less-than-technical way, with Hannu's usual talent - or lack thereof - for explaining things.
"So, you step like this, and then turn like this-"
"Like this?"
"Sort of. More like -"
Eventually, Hannu went to turn the music on, explaining that with the rhythm to carry them through, it would all make more sense.
The music filled up the room slowly, rising gently, expanding to fill it, the volume low but taking up space all the same. And then he was in front of her. The look on his face was steadier than it had been when she stepped into the room, but still a bit unsure, almost skittish, and that did nothing to ease her own nerves. She was sure that it must show somehow, even though she tried to keep her hands as steady as possible, and let her face set into the confident expression she was used to putting on when working, even when she would prefer to be anywhere else but the classroom.
But why does he look so uncomfortable? Paju thought as she took the hand he offered her, and let her other hand come up to rest on his shoulder. It wasn't like him. Distant, bored, annoyed, apathetic, tired, uncaring. Those were all looks she was familiar with, looks that she was used to seeing on his face, and they were ones she would expect to see at a time like this. But this was not.
Maybe it was only because he thought he wasn't a good teacher. Maybe that was it. It probably was, Paju decided. The hand at her waist seemed steady and sure, so it must have been that. Something small. Something like that.
"I'll try not to step on your feet," Paju said. She offered him a smile that she hoped was more confident than she felt.
Whatever had been wrong seemed to ease at that, as the tension on Hannu's face slowly washed away. The calmer look that replaced it didn't seem to be a front. "Even if you do, it's okay. This time." A deep breath. Their eyes met. "...Ready?"
"Ready." Even if she didn't feel ready. Even if something inside was wound up tight.
"Okay. Let's go. One, two...."
It was not like the scene in the movie. In fact, it was anything but. Their movements were not smooth, graceful, or perfect. Their waltz was accompanied by stops and starts, and stumbles, and the occasional oath of frustration, and between all that there was yapping from Ville, who sat by the door and watched them and barked over the sound of the music.
"Sorry!"
"No, it's okay - ow."
"We can stop if -"
"I'm fine."
And she knew he was. He must have been, because there was warmth on his face, a hint of a smile tugging at the corner of his lips. It was a look that she loved to see on him, but hardly saw often enough.
"One more time," Hannu said when they stopped at last. "And then we ought to call it quits."
Paju parted her lips to protest, then thought better of it and looked at her watch instead.
An hour and a half had passed. How had she not noticed? "Fine," she said. "One more time." It was all she could do to stop herself from squeezing his hand.
"Let's make this one count."
It was foolish to think that their last dance could go any better. Completely unreasonable to expect it. So, she didn't expect it. She knew better than to set her sights so high.
Somehow, it fell into place anyway. As they moved, the steps came more smoothly, more easily. The rhythm swept them along, and she simply went along with it. During their previous attempts, Hannu had been reluctant to meet her eyes. Now, he let his gaze rest on her, instead of looking up or down or just above her shoulder or anywhere but at her face.
Hannu didn't know. Paju was sure he didn't know how she felt about it. But she could almost imagine that he did. In that moment, she could almost pretend that he felt the same way, and that feeling floated her along until the music stopped.
There was a moment's pause. They looked at each other. Then they slowly detached, drawing away from each other. Paju let go of him, even though she didn't want to, and he stepped back, shoving his hands in his pockets as if trying to look casual about it all.
"...So."
That uncertainty washed over his expression again, just as obvious as it had been at the beginning. It was such an odd look for Hannu, and she couldn't make heads or tails of it. So, she offered him a smile. Maybe that would reassure him. "You aren't that bad of a teacher," she said.
"...Oh?"
"Well, don't get me wrong. Your instructions were awful. But I had fun." As she took in the relief that washed over his face, she decided it had all been worth it.
They didn't discuss it any more as they pushed the furniture back into its proper place. Nor after, then he put on coffee, and suggested she stay a while. That was a surprise; Hannu was ordinarily anything but hospitable. Warmth did not come easily to him. But he seemed pleased when she said yes, and soon after, as they sat in the kitchen together with mugs and biscuits and Ville snuffling around their feet, they talked, and had no regrets.
Paju scritched Ville behind the ears and wondered if she should ask about it again. If she should bring up the idea of another day. Another session. Hannu hadn't seemed to mind, so maybe -
"...Uh. You know, if you'd like to try again, we could do that. If you want."
Lifting her head, Paju glanced over at him. Hannu wasn't looking at her; he had his head against one hand and was staring down at his coffee mug with a slightly bored set to his eyes. But there was something about the familiar expression that seemed put on, somehow. As if he was trying very hard to keep his face steady.
Maybe she was imagining it.
"Well, I'd like to," Paju replied. "But only if you want to."
"I don't care." A shrug.
"You and I both know that's a complete lie." She kept her voice crisp, using the tone she employed when teaching. He sat a little straighter at that. "Don't tell me that garbage. You wouldn't have offered if you didn't want to." I'm right, aren't I? Paju thought. She watched Hannu carefully, took in the way his expression flickered. I've known you for years. I know you wouldn't offer something if you got nothing out of it. If you didn't want to do it. If you didn't want to see me.
"Hmm...." There was a tight set to his lips. Annoyed. Bothered. When he spoke, it was with a roll of his eyes, pretending not to care. "I don't have anything to do next Saturday. That's all."
You just don't want to admit that I'm right, Paju thought. But, she decided, that was fine. She'd let him pretend. "Fine. I'll come and bother you again next Saturday. Right, Ville?" At least you don't pretend you don't want me around, she thought as she showered more attention on the dog, who accepted her petting gladly.
There was a long pause, the kind that came when someone wanted to say something, but was trying to find the right way to put it. Finally, Hannu murmured, glancing out the window, "We can try it outside, maybe. If it isn't raining. There's more room that way."
"And maybe I won't step on your feet."
"Nah, I think you will." A hint of a smile, just a small one. "But that's okay."
Dark. Night. They were deep into winter, and the bitter cold and blackness of the late winter lingered over the village. One month into the new year, the Kuikka twins took a look at the dreary winter, then looked at each other, and said, "Okay, screw this," and arranged a party to chase the dark away.
They hadn't invited the whole village, but with the amount of people who dropped by, it certainly seemed as if they had.
Hannu came. And of course, his new friend Ville came with him. Paju watched them both, taking care to keep an eye on Hannu. She knew him very well, and that meant she knew exactly what he would do. After a while. Eventually.
It took one hour for the tired look to settle in. Two hours for the antsy expression to pop up, that tight set to his lips, the way he kept glancing at the door.
She spoke to Ville in hushed tones, tilting her head toward him in one of the few moments when nobody was talking to him, moving close so that he could hear her over the music. "I think Hannu wants to leave, but don't worry. I'll go with him. Okay?"
Ville looked surprised, his eyes widening. "Are you sure? I could-"
"I'm sure." She patted his shoulder, and gave him a smile. "You look like you're having a good time. Stay. I'll take care of Hannu."
"Thanks!" he said, pulling her into a hug, giving her a tight squeeze before letting her go. "I mean, if you're sure. I wouldn't want him to leave by himself."
Not that Hannu would care. But there was an almost puppy-like quality to Ville in the way he followed Hannu around, and they both knew it. Before she could reply, Ville was swept away again, tugged away by Jonna, who said something about dancing.
Well. That was all right.
Paju brushed her hair out of her eyes, straightened herself out, and picked her way over to the corner where Hannu had sequestered himself.
"I'm leaving now," she said. "Walk me home?"
Not that she needed it. The both of them knew it, too. She caught the raised eyebrow look he gave her, and added, "I just want some company. And Ville knows I'm asking you. Don't worry about leaving him."
"...Fine," Hannu said, pulling away from the wall. He scanned the room, caught Ville's eye. Waved. The wave he received in return must have been confirmation enough, as when he looked at her again, she could see the relief in his eyes. "Let's go."
The cold air hit them like a bite in the face. Paju shivered and buttoned up her jacket to the throat. Beside her, Hannu breathed deeply, and thought better of going bare-headed, pulling his hat out of his pocket and tugging it down over his ears.
"It's cold tonight," Paju said softly.
"Yeah. But it's not too bad."
They left the warmth of the light spilling out from the Kuikka house, and soon the only like they had came from streetlamps and moonlight. But the noise followed them for a while, an undercurrent of music that floated through the air. After a moment or two, the sound quieted as the song switched to something slower.
Something stirred in Paju's mind. The timing of the song wasn't quite right, but it was slow. Almost like -
"Do you remember," she asked, glancing at him, "how we used to dance together? When you were teaching me a few years ago."
"...Uh." A pause. From the sound of it, their old pastime had completely slipped from his mind, just as it had slipped from hers. It didn't surprise her at all. They had kept it up for a while - every weekend. And then every second weekend. And then once per month. Things just had a way of getting in the way of it. But she remembered the way it felt to be so close to him, to move with him, even if they were clumsy at it.
It seemed Hannu hadn't forgotten completely, as after a moment, he nodded. "...Yeah. I remember." A pause. "I wasn't a very good teacher."
"You weren't that bad." Her hand sought his. When she felt the brush of his fingertips, she took it and squeezed it. After a moment, he squeezed back. "And I had fun."
"Me too." Hannu fell quiet. Said nothing else. But there was something about his silence that seemed hesitant, almost as if he wanted to say something more but couldn't think of how to phrase it. Paju waited, listening to the sound of the snow crunching under their feet and the music behind them, now a far-off lull.
He spoke, finally. "I really liked you. Back then, I mean. It wasn't easy."
"...I liked you too." A pause. "Did you know?"
"Nah. No idea."
Paju stopped. She tugged him close and saw his eyes widen with surprise and confusion in the dim light. "I have an idea," she said, letting a smile spread across her face.
"...Oh no. No. Don't even-"
"I haven't forgotten how. And I bet you haven't, either. Let's dance."
"But -" Hannu's eyes shifted as he searched for excuses. "Well - we don't have any music -"
"We've done it without music before. When we danced outside."
"Yeah, and you stepped on my feet a hundred times."
"You said you didn't mind."
That was the blow that took the wall down, as he looked at her with the look of a defeated man. She had outmanoeuvred him, as always. "You're right," he admitted. "I didn't mind."
Paju smiled. Without another word, she offered Hannu her hand. He took it, and drew her close - glancing around only once, to be sure they were alone, to be sure no one would see.
They danced, and stepped on one another's feet, and the moonlight and crisp air rang with the sound of their laughter.
